Archive for the ‘Reminiscence’ Category

I guess I spent the first period of my banishment much like any other bane, testing the limits imposed on me by the infernal custodian, directly meshed in to my brain.  It’s ever-present, seemingly able to anticipate any transgression that crosses my mind.

Countless times I’d go to my old haunts, getting as close as I’d dare to my friends and acquaintances.  I hover on the edges, careful not to get too close, waiting for admonishment from the custodian.  Through the next few days I’d continue to explore the limits of what the custodian would and would not allow but I was cautious.  I was all too aware that if I pushed the boundaries too far I’d be spending even more time under the watchful eye of the custodian.

Time passed and I took to wandering the shores of Misses West and Atrum Votum.  Limited cotact was made by one of my sistes, Virgo.  She appeared one day, placing a sign I instantly recogized as the work of Illy.  I didn’t need to be able to read in order to know that it was a message of love and support, which is just as well as banes can’t read.

The first update came through, no sentence increase.  I was relieved, having recieved some agonizing punishments over the last couple of days I had feared the worst.

Emboldened I agreed to push the boundaries with on of my friends who found me, Munsta, by responding to his questions with yes and no shakes of the head.  He kept his distance and everything seemed to be going well.  It was frustrating not being able to influence the direction of the coversation but it was contact, contact I desperately craved.

Without warning pain exploded in my head, causing me to stagger.  The recpetors that gave me vision spat angry stabs of light in to me as the custodian admonished me for contact.  Not knowing what to do I stumbled away from Munsta, desperately fighting through the searing agony.  I was vaguely aware of him coming after me but he must have realized that was the wrong thing to do and let me retreat.

As suddenly as it started the pain ended, vision returned to normal.  I sobbed inside the helmet, not that anyone would have been able to hear it.  It was as if the custodian had been playing with me, building up my hopes then dashing them thoroghly.  It was a very different night’s sleep that night.

Update, an extra hour.  I can’t say I’m surprised.  I’ve lost track of how much time I’ve done and how much there is to go, it’s probably better that way.  Existing in the now, that’s what’s important.  Letting go of wants, or at least putting them someplace else till I get out of this infernal thing, seems to be the only way that I’m gonna get through this.  I take to playing in the sand, making patterns in it with my feet; a mindless activity to pass the time.

Illy.  There she is just out of chat range.  My heart aches to have her so close yet unable to acknowledge her.  I can only assume she’s been briefed by Munsta as she makes no attempt to communiate, she just wants to be here, for me.

We spend the rest of the day on the beach, me trapped in the suit with the custodian with Illy trapped on the same beach as me by the chains of her love.  It felt utterly alien to be so close and not be able to so much as say hello or wave.  It must have been hell for Illy observing the same restrictions; it was a safe bet the custodian would take a dim view of any attmepts by Illy to interact with me; something that Munsta had doubtlessly passed on to Illy.

Time passed, the sun went down and the last thing I saw before nodding off for the night was Illy.

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I exit the maintenance station, having completed what was required of me.  Furtively I look around, hoping that fate is kind to me and there are no bane bashers waiting to give me grief.  Swiftly I head to what has become a sanctuary for me, Atrum Votum. to the only true friend I have right now.


I can not talk.  I have to be careful what I hear and I can’t be around people.  I know, because I’ve tried and been punished for it.  I’m hoping that’s the end of it but I’m not so sure.

It all happened so quickly and unexpectedly.  I knew I had to pay for my crime, and that this would cut the time down by two thirds if I behaved myself.  I thought I’d have more time to spend with my friends, buttress myself for my penance.  I’d heard there was a back log and I’d have some grace.

Alas it wasn’t to be.  Operator WinthorpeFoghorn Zinnemann must have been tipped off about my presence on the Patio at Stonehaven, that really was a stupid place for me to be.  Humiliatingly I was arrested in front of my peers and taken to ktech to be processed in to a bane.  On the way I was taken to surgery where the virus that had turned me in to a neko was reversed.

Oh yes, I’m not a kitten any more.  Just another human, processed in to a bane.  It was agonizing, being turned in to a mere human again.  Not just physically but psychologically as well.  Every identifying feature that marked me as a neko was stripped from me, my collar was broken off my neck, the armband of my neko benefactor and girlfriend ripped from my arm.

It pains me to go in to more detail than that, suffice to say I was duly processed and sent out to live among the free but be forever apart from them.  If I behaved, it would be over in a week but I was frightened  I’d had enough idle time, enough sleepless nights to contemplate and do my research, something nekos are extremely good at.  The average bane ends up serving 150% of the sentence

No human contact, especially no contact with other banes.  No contact with my family, no contact with my Goddess, no contact with my friends.

No contact with my girlfriend, my lover, my confidant, Illy.

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A look ahead

Three months old, three months old, I’m itching for it to come.  It’s a very improtant rez day for kitten (yeah, I’m now a kitten.  I’ll get to how that happened later).

Excuse me, I should back up a bit.  kitten’s next isolation happened three months later, however it was a very different kitten who went in to Banishment.  Because I’m telling the story I get to choose the time lines, a bit Pulp Fiction like.

So kitten’s now a neko, infected (willingly) by kitten’s girlfriend at the time, Ilandere Boa (kitten’s current wife and Owner).

kitten also has eight sisters and a Goddess, Yasmin Heartsdale.  More on that later too.

So what’s special about three months?  Three months is the minimum age that one can enter Marine Kelley’s Banishment Program re-creating in SL the environment of the Evil Dolly story Eudeamon

To the un-iniitaited what it means in practial terms is 100% isolation in SL.  Featurless, no defining characteristics, every bane looks just the same as the other.  No IMs, inventory, chat…even emotes are punished.  More than that I can’t say, it’ll spoil the experience if you decide to have a crack at it, but one very important point needs to be made.

If one decides to enter the program, it’s not a mistress/domme whatever putting you through it.  It’s a company, a corporation.  A third party that cannot be swayed by the bane’s loved ones.  The isolation from all the bane knows is total.  And it’s total in both diretions.

I came across the story of Eudeamon shortly after kitten’s first experience of isolation. The story fascinated me, it still does, and it was something I just had to do.

Easy to say when you’re three weeks old.  A bit harder when you’re three months old and have people you care for and who care about you.  I was under no illusions that it’s a very selfish  desire and I determined that if kitten’s at the time girlfriend or kitten’s Goddess objected, I woudln’t do it.

It wasn’t a secret that this has been a fascination of kitten’s for some time amd neither wanted to stand in kitten’s way, although both were fearful.  You see banishemt is not a pre-determined sentence as such.  It’s very easy to rack up violations, violations increase the sentence.  The minimum sentence for a bane is 24 hours, the one I appplied for.  On average a bane can expect to serve half again, 36 hours.  One of kitten’s friends went in for 24 hours and came out after 90.

So it was with love and no small amount of fear I recieved the blessing of kitten’s girlfriend and Goddess.  I filled out kitten’s application which was duly processed in a surpsingly short time.  I was sentenced and told by the Engineer to expect processing at any time.

The stage was set.   I was a baned kitten walking, going about SL just like anyone else just waiting for the tap on the shoulder that would transform me in to a featureless bane.

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Roughly two weeks in to kitten’s second life…oh wait wasn’t a kitten back then…

Hmmm.  Maybe I’ll just drop the kitten thing for reminiscing?  What’s the wost that can happen, kitten’s Owner jumps all over me?  That could be bad.

Ah what the heck.

Roughly two weeks in to my Second Life I ran in to a woman, Madang Alter.  some of you might have heard of her.  Well didn’t take long before she found out I have I Sable’s Bane suit and didn’t take much longer for her to get me in to it for six hours.

Yeah that’s right, two weeks in, hardly anyone on my firends list and I get myself locked up in a suit where I cant’ talk to anyone.  I never claimed to be smart.

I still remember the emotions that went through during those days.  I wrote about it shortly after, more than anything just ot work through what was going on in my head.  I went in for six hours, came out after 12 hours having basically safeworded.  Here’s an excerpt:

If one goes in to the Bane suit with an expetation of completing the sentence then it is crushing to find out this when released after double the original sentence.

Status after unlocked:

[18:58]  BaneHelmet 1.2:
Bane designated S-2944.
Owned by Madang Alter
Helmet is unlocked.
[18:58]  BaneHelmet 1.2:
Time Remaining is: 21hr 4min
Current Penalty is : 1hr 0min
Best time is: 12hr 6min

This is the perspective I went in to the suit with.

After 12 hours in the suit I had 21 hours to go, a total of 33 hours.  And that’s assuming I wouldn’t rack up any more violations in the 33 hours.  Given that I’d racked up enough to increase my sentence by a factor of five, that’s absolutely crushing.  I had a bit of a cry on finding that out.  I felt like a total failure.

So yeah, not the smartest thing I’ve done in SL.  Yes, I did cry and have a bit of a sook. bit hey that’s life.

Did it turn me off isolation?  Hmmm, you’ll have to wait and see (shush those of you who know the answer).

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Noobiness, ahhh!

Whether it’s WoW, SL or any other interactive enviornment there’s nothing quite like the pong of noobiness.  Sure I’d love to pretend I’m the exception to the rule but no one would believe me and rightly so.

In some ways SL is harder to get in to than other interactive environments.  With the MMOs there are quests, many of them depend on the right mix of classes and skills to complete the quest, get the XP, get the fat loot and roll the process over.  Rinse, repeat, find people who are good at their jobs and soon you build up a circle of aquaintances.  Some may become friends, but for the most part aquaintances is about as far as it goes.

There are no quests in SL, there’s no XP to be had and no grinding to do (unless you include camping, of course).  It’s all about that thing that’s gets so much harder as you get older, forming new relationships.  That’s pretty much it really, that’s what drives me in SL more than anything.

Trouble is the freshly faced, non-prim hair wearing, default duck-walking avatar has a number of disadvantages they’re absolutely oblivious to when they first start SL.  I certainly was, and to be honest it was the furthest thing from my mind.

What was on my mind?  Bondage.  Bondage bondage bondage.  Oh and maybe a bit of submission.

But mainly bondage.

A quick search led me to Marine’s store in Pak, there I learned about RLV.  Ten minutes later it was installed.  Shame I didn’t really have anything to make use of it.  Oh well, time will tell, right?

I counted the days till I could buy some Lindens, my first purchase the Serious Shackles.  Yep, still had noobie clothes on, how sad.  That was swiftly followed by catsuits, catsuits and more catsuits.  I have a catsuit fetish, one I’m trying to break.

I did all the noobie things with shackles, wore them all the time whether appropriate or not.  Lost my keys, send a notecard to Marine about losing my keys.  Autolock, loaded them with plugins I didn’t understand.

It wasn’t all bad, I did find some cool people who took pity on my noobiness.  Fuuu is an absolute gem, amazingly she’s the first one who put me on her friends list way back then.  She’s an absolute sweetheart and I wsh I knew her better.

That’s pretty much my first two weeks in SL.  Shackles, catsuits, Stonehaven and, well yeah, Stonehaven.

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