Archive for the ‘Reminiscence’ Category

While all this with Jack had been going in, I’d been keeping in touch with Jill.  It’s important to maintain that contact, nothing more than a hi, how you doing is all that’s needed most of the time.

A recurring theme in our discussions was can RLV be any good?  It’s not something I wanted to push and indeed I tried not to, but it is something that came up in just about every conversation.  I didn’t try to justify its use, after such an experience anything I’d have to say would be received with scepticism.  Still it was something that kept coming up and I suspected that part of the closure would be a better understanding of RLV and how some people can get something out of it.

There is no way I’d consider asking Jill to go in to RLV and allowing me to show her how I could use RLV to enhance her experience.  I didn’t think such an approach would yield good results, so I suggested that she allow me to teach her how to use RLV as a dominant.  This is something that I’ve done for many people; typically I’ll use a set of cuffs that the dominant prefers and work through an RP, showing when and why certain RLV restrictions might be employed.

There was some hesitation but she accepted my offer, so without further ado I dusted off my cuffs and invited her to my place.  I fell in to my usual patter and Jill was attentive, asking good questions and so on.  Now if you’ve been following my recent posts on RLV you’ll hopefully appreciate that I’m actually quite light on RLV, preferring to use it only where it makes sense.  It wasn’t long before Jill appreciated the distinction, and it wasn’t long before she started doing something no one else I’ve instructed has done…her questions started being asked in (( )) and before you know it the lesson developed in to something more.

Unfortunately I had limited time available, so we took a raincheck, I’m sure it’ll be collected one day.

So with her new found appreciation of RLV as a tool for bondage, will we see Jill in RLV any time soon?  Somehow I doubt it and it won’t be with just anyone; which is perfectly fine.  RLV is powerful and deserves to be treated with respect.

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Jack returned from his weekend away, obviously he was gutted that the scene went bad.  It’s easy to heap criticism on him, he used RLV with no real purpose, he used too much.  He focused on RLV rather than the bondage and how RLV might enhance that bondage.

No point kicking a guy when he’s down.  I’m a sadist, I’m not cruel.  The main things is that he made sure that Jill had someone to look after her, well as sure as one can be in SL I guess.

Of course Jack beat himself up over it.  Jill was rightly upset and much humble pie was served and eaten.  Now here’s the thing, tops need support just as much as bottoms do.  The day after being there for Jill as soon as one of my trusted friends came on, I had a wee bit of a vent.  If you’re a top and you think you can get by without the help of others, well I’ve news for you.  We all need help and often getting help from our bottoms is the worst thing that we can do.  We need people we can trust and go to in times of self doubt or just when we need to blow off a major amount of steam.

So now I had Jack to look out for as well, oh well all part of why we’re all here.  Over the next couple of days Jack determined that he’d break his subbie alt out of semi-retirement so that he might experience an iso-helmet himself.  I could understand the motivation although it did seem like a bit of self-flagellation.  I agreed to help him through it, however I refused his request to make it worse than Jill’s.  For one, I’m not sure I could, for two the purpose was to experience how it should be done; not how it was done.

So how should it be done?  Well the main draw of these types of helmets is that they can emulate a bane like experience, in terms of restriction anyway.  For that to be effective there are two things required in terms of equipment; a helmet and a catsuit/skin.  Nothing else.  I’ve done this a few times now and it’s one of the more misunderstood aspects of this type of play; that one can be made so utterly helpless with just the helmet.  Adding cuffs and other items detract in two important ways.

Firstly the presence of other restraints serves to distract from the restrictions that are imposed by the helmet.  This is one of the occasions that less is more.  Secondly, the more extra stuff you add, the more personalized you become which is defeating the point of the helmet and the catsuit.  One of the main impacts of such a restraint is the depersonalisation it imposes.  It’s heady stuff and certainly not for everyone.  So with that in mind I set Jack up in his alt and cast him off on his lonely journey; just another featureless bane like creature largely indistinguishable from so many others wandering SL.

Meanwhile, Jill was bouncing back, her curiosity of RLV unabated although in a different direction.

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After a relatively painless TP back to my place, my first order of business was to see if I could persuade Jill to relog in the normal viewer.  She was determined that no matter what, she’d stay in RLV and I didn’t push the point.  I knew her restraints well and knew I could get her out of them without leaving RLV; knowing my own feelings about `cheating’ it could well have been worse for her to do the five minute relog detach dance than it would be for me to take an hour or so getting her out of her restraints.  Jill’s wellbeing took precedence over my sleep, the next day was Sunday anyway.

The first order of business was to sort out the helmet; the lag in Bondage Ranch had wigged it out pretty bad, it just wasn’t responding as it should.  This was pretty much the crunch point, if the helmet came off the scene was over.  It wasn’t Jill’s decision to make, not was it Jack’s.  I was the top, albeit in a caretaker capacity, so the decision rested with me.

I’d just like to reflect on this a moment; the bottoms is not always in a good position to give a correct assessment of the situation.  In my RL experience there have been many occasions where I’d quite happily spend the rest of the day suspended from the rafters, but there are health issues to consider and the euphoria I’m feeling at the time blocks all that out.  I keep coming back to this point, the top must always be in control, always.

I unlocked the helmet and told Jill to take it off.  Freed from that, she could at least communicate and see.  There was still the problem of the cuffs and the bouncing leashes but that’s okay, at least Jill’s free to talk now.

I encouraged her to do so, I had my work cut out picking the locks so once I’d gotten Jill to set it up so they could be picked, I encouraged her to rant away, and rant she did.  My imperative was to help Jill through this; that she hadn’t failed and it’s perfectly okay to be pissed off.  Of course I had to inhibit my Shuggi’ll fix it attitude; this wasn’t about fixing.  It was about giving Jill a punching bag to pour out all her frustrations.

The cuffs took an hour to pick, longer than I’d have liked, however the goal was achieved.  Jill’s free of restraints and still running RLV.  My job wasn’t done though, this is a scene that ended badly, support must be provided; that is non-negotiable.  This isn’t a damned computer game, what many fail to understand.  There’s no save game feature where you can pick it up with the state the same as it was before.  This needed doing here and now.

Aftercare.  Yes, it was pretty much immediately after this episode I blogged about the scarcity of aftercare in SL and how utterly atrocious that state of affairs is.  I’d just like to re-iterate that Jack set the stage by asking me to look out for Jill, he did the correct and responsible thing.  Okay, it went bad, but at least he did what he could to make sure that someone was there for Jill.

I’ll not go in to what went on, suffice to say I’m not the world’s best cuddler; I have issues getting close to people.  I took Jill to one of the few places in SL where I can cuddle all night and held her till she was more or less okay.  I owed it to her as much as I owed it to Jack.

I logged, I fell in my pit utterly exhausted and slept a dreamless sleep.

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Before I continue, let’s be clear. Everyone has bad scenes.  When scenes go bad it is crucial for the top to maintain control.  I don’t give a tuppeny damn how you’re feeling inside, if you’re the top you have to be the pilot who gets both (or all) through this.  You can lick your wounds later.

Back to the tale, we left off with me about to go to bed, dog tired, receiving a screen full of blocked IM.  I checked the map, hoping that Jill would have turned on Find on Map for me.  Alas this was not the case so with no other option I sent her a TP.

For once SL was behaving itself and she came through first time. I didn’t fully appreciate the gravity of her situation on first sight, one thing I noticed straight away though was that she was now wearing cuffs.  That bit was kind of hard to miss, as she was bound like a pretzel and bouncing.

Yes, bouncing.  You play around with leashes long enough you’ll run in to it sooner or later.  It’s what happens when you have two or more leashes trying to spawn to opposite points and neither leash is long enough.  The result is that SL physics gets screwed right up its own arse and the unfortunate leashed person is bounced around the sim like a pinball.

This is exactly what was happening to Jill, bound in a most undignified pose and and pinging all over Pak as if she was under the worst kind of griefer attack.  Of course this made it difficult for me to click on her helmet, damnably difficult.  I effectively played a game of wackamole and after a couple of minutes I got lucky.  Swiftly I unblocked her IM, it was only then that the full horror of what she’s going through came apparent.

After I’d taken my leave of Jack and Jill, with the helmet set up just right, well stuff happened.  Cuffs were added for one, she was made deaf and, to top it all off, cam restrict was turned on so that if her cam went further than 10 meters she’d be blinded as a punishment.  Oh and then they went to Bondage Ranch, one of the laggiest sims I’ve ever been to.

Guess what bouncing all over a sim does to your cam?  Yup, deaf, dumb, blind.


I don’t often swear and I certainly didn’t to her.  No matter my personal feelings it was imperative that I project calm, assure her it was all gonna be okay and damned well make it okay.  The last thing we needed was outside interference, so it was back to my place to undo the damage.

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A scene continues

Over the next day or two I kept in touch with Jack; we talked, shared out perspectives and grew comfortable with one another.  Occasionally I’d ask after Jill, the response was usually something along the lines of `she says this is insane.’  My disquiet grew however I kept my own counsel; I’ll not say I don’t judge how others play because that’s a lie, we all do.  I have learned enough to keep my nose out of other peoples business, though.  Maturity I guess.

Jack had RL commitments for the weekend, so he asked me to keep an eyes out for Jill.  I readily accepted the charge, I didn’t know Jill however I was confident in my own abilities to act in a caretaker role.

A little sidebar here, Jack did a very good thing.  He knew he wasn’t going to be around so he made an effort to pass the torch.  That was a good thing to do.  There’s a maxim in RL bondage, you never leave the bottom alone.  Now you may argue that this is SL and it’s only a computer program, and if you did I’d bounce your nose ‘cause you’d deserve it.  There is no more powerful bondage than that of the mind, when you break it down that’s what SL is mainly about, using your mind.

Throughout the course of the evening I kept an eye on my friends list.  I was a little disturbed that Jill had not made her location available to me, but that should be okay.  The exception in the helmet should overcome any difficulties.  I saw her come on a couple of times and sent her a blocked IM, just to let her know I was there.  No response which didn’t comfort me, I hoped she was okay.

The evening wore on and it was getting close to bed time for me.  I sent Jill one last blocked IM, still somewhat disquieted that I’d had no response from her.

My screen filled with blocked IMs from Jill.

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A scene begins

I’ve a tale to tell and it’s quite long.  It’s going to be a few parts in the telling, I don’t know how many yet.

A few weeks ago I was in one of my usual haunts and spotted a likely prey, let’s call her Jill.  There wasn’t much to go on in her profile but what was there spoke of some intelligence, so in to the Shug mobile I hopped and set out to nab her.

It’s not often prey eludes me, this was one of those times.  Beaten to it by an, at the time, acquaintance who we’ll call Jack.   Ah well, such is life.  Being nosey I lingered within earshot and the tale unfolded.  Jack had been hunting Jill, the bet was that if Jack could capture Jill in seven days, then Jill would spend a week in RLV.  Intriguing.

More discussion followed and Jack decided that a Kinky Things Iso-Helmet was to be the RLV restraint of choice.  This alarmed me as I know how evil those things can be if not used correctly, so I put forward my services to help set it up.  Jack cheerfully accepted and all was looking good.

During the set up I OOC’d with Jill in IM, getting a handle on how much experience she has with RLV, it soon became apparent her experience was minimal, patchy and for the most part, bad.  My concerns grew however she was determined and it wasn’t my place to dissuade her; I was there to help facilitate not to direct.  I did impress on her the usual blocked IM protocols which seem to have developed as something of a standard; for those not in the know one is yes, two is no, three is I have a non-urgent problem and five is I need help right now.

So a non-rlv user spending a week in RLV and in a helmet that’s set up to something close to the conditions one endures during banishment (I left a couple of the meaner things disabled) for seven days.  Concerned?  You betcha.

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Me and Yas

I’ve had a good, long think on how to narrate this next bit of the tale and you know what, I’ve decided it’s best if I summarize it.  It covers a three month period in which I pursued, was collared by and later released by Yasmin Heartsdale.  Three months in which I spent a grand total of two and a half hours one on one with her.

Part of it was time zones I suppose but mostly it boiled down to one thing: I didn’t get in to trouble.  You see if there are rules and I’ve agreed to those rules, I follow them.  There were plenty in her family who didn’t and that’s where her energy went.  Miss Goody Two Shoes here didn’t get a look in.

My time with Yas can be summed up thus:

  • Trial, that was one of the best times I’ve had in SL, an experience I’ll not forget although I doubt it’ll be repeated.  Some things only work the once.
  • Collared
  • Three days wandering around in a daze, with hind sight I know now that I had heavy drop.
  • Stopped wearing restraints.  It’s a quirk of mine, I will not wear restraints unless they are locked or they are being used, something I communicated to Yas at the time.
  • Lots and lots of family drama, I mean not a week went by when there wasn’t one drama or another.
  • Yas putting out an order that everyone was to wear cuffs at all times.  Oopsee, I had a bit of a problem with that.
  • Release.

Some of you may be wondering what the big deal about wearing restraints at all times is, after all I am a sub, no?

Well yes and no, let me put it this way: the liklihood of most of the readers of this blog getting their hands on my keys are pretty close to zero.  I’d say it’s not personal, but it is.  There are very few people I will submit to.  So why get your hopes up needlessly?

Bottom line though is that my position was clearly communicated to Yas several times and she chose to ignore that which left us with three options: I back down, she back down or she makes an exception for me.  Not hard math really, eh?

Two things I’m still sore at Yas for: forbidding my best friend, Yar, from supporting me when she released me.  Given all that I’d done for Yar to help her with her troubles with Yas, I consider that an act of utter cruelty to both Yar and me.

The second is using me as an excuse to uncollar my wife.

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Stonehaven cage room, I’m domming someone and having a good time.  Suddenly I’m held by a CC Capture cage.

For the un-initiated these things are pretty much skill-less griefer tools.  They cage the individua and will follow the individual anywhere in the sim.  I was less than impressed.

Several TP’s away and TP’s back allowed me to unlock the cage of the person in my charge, that done I was forced to avoid Stonehaven for the next hour until parcel retrun did its job.

At four weeks in I knew how to find out who it belonged to, one Midnight Feld.  Two nights later, I saw her at Pak with keys out in her SS Shackles.  Auto-lock is a fun toy, it can be activated without the wearer’s konwledge.  Block and mouselook are fun too.  I set it for a six hour delay to activate and three hours, a fair price for costing me a scene and an hour away from Stonehaven.

And that act is what set off a chain of events that would lead to my first collaring.

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So banishment over, how did I feel at the time?

Numb.  I get like that, after a period of such intense emotion, when it’s all over I tend to shut down for a couple of days.  I become a little withdrawn, a little clingy and a little more needy.  With my behavior so tightly controlled, the sudden restoration of freedoms can feel overwhelming for me.  Generally it lasts a couple of days, sometimes longer.  Not this time though.

Illy was there, there to pick up the pieces and I leaned on her a lot.  My memory of what happened after is a little hazy, there was some administration I needed to get done now that the sentence was completed; simple stuff in retrospect but with my head the way it was at the time it seemed inordinately difficult.  After 25 hours of isolation, aside from writing in the sand, the stimulation of SL was a little overwhelming.

IM!  I have a love/hate relationship with IM, some days I log in and I don’t move for half an hour while I deal with them.  Word spread that I’d completed my sentence and the IMs were coming thick and fast.  It was gratifying but at the same time quite diorientating.

Guilt, that was present too.  I knew going in that this was a selfish thing I wanted to do.  It’s no easy thing for a dominant to hand over the wellbeing and care of a sub to a third party; and that’s exactly what the Banishment Program is all about.  By the same token, that’s also what makes the experience what it is for the sub.

Was it really worth causing Illy, who I love, tears?  Sadly, I have to conclude that yes it was.  It had been a burning desire of mine ever since I’d found out about it and one doesn’t stand in the way of a loved one’s burning desires lightly.  I love her all the more for allowing me the experience and supporting me through it.  Now that I’ve done it, I have no burning desire to do it again, especially now I know the cost.

Isolation under her control’s kinda cool though.

My chores completed at Ktech, I awaited an audience with my Mistress.  I was a little nervous, one of the conditions of my going in to banishment was to have some special time before going in; unfortunately events conspired against that and it didn’t happen.  In fact that special time never did happen, something I’ll get to later.

Word came through for me to attend her, which I did with Illy at my side.  Much of the family was present as Mistress had announced her impending marraige to Tey, one of my sisters at the time.  My re-collaring was carried out with the minimum of fuss which I have to say suited me down to the ground.  I was having a very hard job focusing on the now and wanted nothing more than to curl up with Illy in the privacy of our home and lick each other better.

I was therefore somewhat surprised when Illy propsed to me in front of the family.  There was no doubt to my answer but I did think at the time that a straight out proposal to be just a tad out of character for the Illy I’d grown to know and love.

A lot happened between the proposal and the wedding, but that’s a story for another time.

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The sun rises to an insistent demand from my custodian to report for maintenance, the lest said about that the better.  I had a feeling that release was not far away so I decided to risk it and wait at Ktech, it wasn’t long before Illy joined me, well as much as anyone can join someone who is as communicative as a person in a coma.  Still, they say familiar sounds help coma patients come out, right?

With each passing moment I became more and more uneasy.  The rumors about banishment were rife with little in the way of facts.  Tales from loved ones of people going in to banishment for relatively minor offenses and never returning abounded.  The banes that do come out of the program are little help; the process is so scarring that most are loathe to talk about it; that or something more sinister is inhibiting them.

I’d been a good bane, if there’s one thing I’m good at it’s following orders.  Truth to tell I’m far more comfortable with boundaries and that’s something that was becoming increasingly disturbing; to someone of my disposition banishment is strangely comforting.  The presence of the custodian monitoring my every thought keeps me on the straight and narrow, just a shame that the path is so narrow and lonely.  I think that’s what Yasmin and Illy feared the most, I know that Yasmin knew someone who’d gone expressed regret when it was over.  At the time I scoffed but now, well now I understand.

Time ticked on.  How long to go?  What if there’s a malfunction, or something more nefarious?  I know that some of my acquaintances have contacts in ktech, what if I’ve slighted someone without realizing it and this is seen as an opportunity for payback.

I fingerd the seal at my neck nervously, the sun was rising past its zenith and still nothing.  Illy seemed content to stay with me, her presence a comfort and, at the same time, a torment.  It’s bad enough that I’m stuck in this infernal suit, but to have my friends put their lifes on hold for me was more than I could bear.  I consoled myself that at least it promised to be shorter than the alternative, prison.

The industrial surrounds of ktech started to press in on me, I longed for the shores of Misses West and Atrum Votum.  Isolation does stange things to your perception of time, I must have gotten it wrong, today wasn’t going to be the day…

The custodian, quite for so long, bursts in to life in my head.  Sentence completed.

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